Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
