I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
