Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
