i think my tv is drunk
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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