Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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