If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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