Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
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