Whoa Z and x make the same sound
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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