Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I would ride that face into the sunset
Randomize
