I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
