so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
