your thong is hanging out like whoa
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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