How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
