how can u be prego again
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
