youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Randomize