What a fucking waste of an outfit
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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