you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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