I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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