sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
