Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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