he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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