I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
