Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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