I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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