well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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