It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Randomize
