god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
