Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize