OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
