No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
