On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Randomize
