2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
