dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
