Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
