what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
