so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
