i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
