dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
