How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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