I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
