Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
