I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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