I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
