i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
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