Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
