goodnight i made you a song goodbye
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
