Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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