Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
