did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Randomize
