What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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