guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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