Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
