I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
In other news, I just burned my penis
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
