I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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