So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
