Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Randomize
