The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
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