dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
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