he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
