I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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