Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I pour the whiskey from now on
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
