I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
