somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize