Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I believe in your delicious
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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