i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
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