Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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