Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
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