I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize
