Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
4 words: hood of his car
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
