Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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