Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I am available for nakedness
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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