Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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