mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Randomize
