I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
