is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
