We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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