9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
