Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I think a kid would responsible me up
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
