Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
